One More Thing

Do you ever feel like if one more thing happens to you then you are going to just lose it? Like nervous break down, just me into a loony bin?

No? That’s just me….awesome…..

I swear if one more thing happens I might just have a break down. Big ugly cries are just not cutting right now. And it is not helping that I am going off my hormones. HELLO menopause rollercoaster!

I know we are not promised an easy life, but I need a period of calm in this storm or I am going to drown. I can’t keep up with all of this. I am STRUGGLING. But the good news is that I can fake it like no one’s business. (And I don’t mean “fake it” like that, you dirty minds! LOL!)

I am desperately praying for some calm. It doesn’t have to be rainbows and sunshine, but just not total earth shattering suckage. That is not too much to ask, right?

All I want NEED is a little respite. Time to take steps forward and not backwards…heck I would even take side steps….just not back.

*Deep Breaths* It has got to be only but up from here.

Dear God, let it be up.

Hey Where Have You Been

*Language Warning* I know I have a no cursing policy attached to my blog, but I am going to break it just this once.

Hey Ashley, Where have you been....well I will tell you where I have been.

I have been PISSED!

So angry that I can't even put it into words. I didn't want this blog to be a place where I come and spill hate and anger.

But I can't help it. I AM PISSED!

I hate my body so much for what it has caused me in the last 8 months.

I hate the doctors, the co-pays, the tests, the blood draws.

I hate the bills.

I hate the bad news.

I hate that all of this has hurt, worried, and changed my family.

I am just so over it.

More importantly, I am pissed that I am pissed. I am not this person. I am not the angry woman. I am not the cryer. I am not the bitter negative one.

I want my life back.

I want to go back to September.

I want ME back.